“Where’s the milk?!” – Baby A.
These past few weeks have been emotionally pretty taxing on me. When A started refusing to drink for the bottle around 3- 4 months, I was not too worried about it since I didn’t have grand plans to be away from her for long periods of time. Granted there were a few times this past summer I had to do hair for weddings and we didn’t have another option but for Kp to give her a bottle which she would only drink a teeny tiny bit after crying for hours! But those were far in between, and as a stay-at-home mom, I wasn’t stressing out about having to go back to work. Anyways, fast-forward to the past few weeks when A decided she didn’t want to have 5 feeds in a day and only wanted 4. The first few days I was pretty ecstatic about it, since the schedule for 4 feeds was so much easier! But after a few days, I suddenly noticed that A was getting strangely fussy at the boob. She’d drink for a few minutes and then pull (ouch!!) off and start crying, and I’d try to latch her back on, which she would gladly open her mouth for, only to pop back off a few seconds later. I didn’t think she was full since usually when she is, when I offer her the boob again she’ll firmly clamp her mouth shut and push me away with her hands, but here she was, acting like she wanted more milk. We’d switch sides countless times, and she’d still act like she wanted more. During these same days, I started noticing a decrease in number of wet diapers as well as how heavy they were. I ended up taking her to urgent care one more because she only had one (light) diaper over the span of 16 something hours! Anyways, all this to say, I started freaking out that my supply was dropping.
It’s pretty hard, as a mom, to know that your baby is depending 100% on you, and you’re not able to provide. I actually have a bunch of milk in the freezer, but since she wasn’t take a bottle that wasn’t an option. I started to get super anxious about what to do and started praying that God would increase my milk supply. But I quickly realized this was the wrong prayer. It’s the same prayer I pray when I feel like something isn’t going my way and I want God to help me solve the problem. But God isn’t a vending machine where we put money, or in this case, prayers in, and he dispenses what we want. I started praying instead that He would calm my anxious heart, and grow my trust in Him. At the suggestion of a lactation consultant, I started pumping after each nursing session, to quickly signal to my body that I needed more milk, and started pumping before bed. There’s also a bunch of lactogenic foods, so I added oatmeal and Blue Gatorade into my diet. (Yea, it’s weird about the blue Gatorade, but a bunch of moms swear by it, so I thought it was worth the shot!). I also made a bunch of lactation cookies (will share recipe with you all!). Over the course of a few days with this new ‘diet’ and extra pumping, my supply did end up going back to normal… back to where A was her normal self. It’s funny because a lot of times when I pray and I realize that I am only asking God for things and I repent of my desire to demand things from God, and I come to place of fuller trust, God grants me the thing I asked for in the first place. But it’s not so much that I can just say, ‘Hey God! Can you please give me more milk?, and sit back and wait for him to miraculously do something, but rather do what I can on my part and trust that He’s sovereign in all things. For me, and especially during this new season of motherhood, it’s so easy for me to forget.